When Relationships Get Too Familiar

photo from stocksnap.io

When you're in a relationship with a person that's years old, familiarity creeps in silently. Inhibitions melt away and you get comfortable with him/ her. Sometimes, the tiny quirks that are now revealed are amusing, but other times your friends (or lover) tend to cross the line.


You know the saying "familiarity breeds contempt". If you don't know what is contempt, it means you are being treated beneath consideration and worth.  How would you know that familiarity is gnawing at your relationships? For me, it's when you are no longer getting the respect you deserve. It's when the person feels he/ she can do anything to you and you'll be perfectly fine with it.

I recently had this experience. A person really close to me (so close that s/he must have forgotten about boundaries) disrespected me. The reason was actually petty, but I felt so disrespected. I did not expect for this person to treat me in such a way.

That time, I reacted instead of responded. I wanted to let the person feel the same hurt I felt. Now looking back, I have slashed a new wound.

I couldn't let the person get away. I stood my ground and told her/ him that I will not allow that kind of treatment to happen again.

Even when the two of you are close and have known each other for years, don't forget yourself in the relationship. It's about keeping the self- love, respect and positivity, so you wouldn't see her/ him in a bad light.

*UPDATE: My friend Angela shared a beautiful perspective on bringing the flame back to a relationship. She was in a long-distance relationship and here's how she dealt with it:

"For me, I started doing new things for myself, like a new hobby, solo adventure and so on, as long as it keeps my inner passion burning, and then, when I came back and talked again with my bf, he also felt the "new me" which made him very interested again, and it was like meeting a new person but still the same one you loved.

So aside from doing new things together which a lot of love gurus recommend to bring back the spark in the relationship, I wanna add another thing that works, too, and it's giving each other the time and space to grow, so that there is more to share and give to each other - I think that is also one of the purpose for being in a relationship.

Oh, and about crossing the line, yes, we do have to keep our dealbreakers, but at the same time have soft boundaries - which means "no expectations or non-attachment to any outcome.""

Has familiarity plagued your relationships? What would you do if you were in the same situation? Would love to hear it in the comments section!